Friday, 16 January 2009

What can never come back?

The final stage of death is generally unobserved, except by the unreliable witness of those rescued from death who often lack the rational thought to distinguish the process from their religious faith.

Reliable...a subjective term. I sit here writing,some weeks after the fact, in these brief stolen moments of lucidity between the despair of understanding the gravity of what I do when this conscience is suppressed and the inevitable return and submission to those overwhelming hungers that drive this thing that I have ... that drive my kind. In these moments hoping, that in their recollection, there will be some small glimmer of hope, some indication of a way out. But even as I write I must wrestle with myself, is this truly me writing or am I suborned to her will, as she in turn is held captive? Is this record to be trusted?

Of course, full true death does not come with the bodily death, with heart's failure, nor with the cessation of breathing, it comes after a period of intense pain as every working nerve in your body screams out its final cry for help, after the last reserves have been exhausted, or when the brain itself, the final repository of life no longer functions. In this last sense, I never died, my eyesight dimmed, through oxygen starvation and the excess of sensation, of pain. I lay insensible to all intents, trapped in a dead body, my mind a flaming smoke filled building. Was this the work of Harmonia? More likely the despicable blood virus itself, I should make a note to ask her when she awakes, for I am different to her in at least this sense, my brain is still fed by oxygen rich blood, not whatever "magick", for I can name no science for this, whatever "magick" binds the rest of my kind to their mockery of life. No, it lives in the regular sense. Is it this that vexes her so, denies her the ultimate control? And yet I fade, each passing week submitting more to these terrible urges, killing, hunting, raping.How long now until these brief respites are gone forever and I am lost beneath the waves of blood lust forever? When that time has come I can but hope that someone end it all, though I know that in all probability I will fight for this existence, it is my instinct.

The silent darkness of the insensible enveloped me, and how long I lay like this I cannot say......

A swirling light, a burning, searing pain tore through my body, my back arched, convulsing violently, as muscles contracted with renewed strength, my heart engorged with blood jumped to life, a strong powerful beat, pulsing through my veins, its echoes thumping away in my mind. The lungs inflated, forcing out the liquid inside, and now full of air, they screamed at the shock.
"hhhhhhharrrgggggggggggghhhhhhhhhh", a monstrous noise, of air forced out across newly living vocal chords.

.... and with an agonized scream Beq Janus was born.


My skin crawled with the stings of 100 million tiny insects, as the blood pumped through the veins feeding it anew. My eyes still open, clearing, still fringed with darkness revealed two people stood at the door as if ready to leave, their faces stained with tears they looked back in shock. Frozen between running away and returning to my side.

"O dear god", Rip's voice low and scared, "This isn't right, Orchid we shouldn't be here".

Across the stairs the balcony doors opened with a bang, and a sudden, violent whoosh of air roared through the entire house. In the back of my mind a burning rage once more took up its place.

"NO!", shouted Nareth's voice from below them.

I growled, a wild, instinctive animal growl, startling Rip and Orchid forcing them to step back from the bed.

"ruuuuuunnnnnnn", I screamed my lungs still driving enormous flows of air through my system.

"Orchid we need to leave NOW!", Rip took Orchid by the arm pulling her to the door as Nareth ran in to the room.

"NO.", Nareth stopped staring in disbelief at the bed, a hitherto unseen rage about her. Orchid unsure whether Nareth was shouting at them or not froze to the spot.

My mind was engulfed in the twin turmoils of Nareth's rage and the throbbing sensational pain of pins and needles throughout every part of my body.

"Move away from her. Now.", Nareth snarled, and the pair backed away towards the door. ""What trickery is this? What magick? It cannot *breathe*".
"Na....r...eth?", my breathing now coming in ragged breathless pants.

"It is *dead*.", she glared at my new body, and screamed, "I am *not* Nareth. You *know* that bloody well."

Hesitantly, Rip started to move down the stairs, as Orchid lingered staring back at the events in the room, dumbstruck

I sniffed the air like a beast, my stomach growling loudly.

"Yessssssss....", cheered Nareth "The hunger comes. Then, all is not lost."

"Orchid... we need to go", Rip nervously tugs at Orchid who seems fixed to the ground outside the bedroom door, her face aghast, nodding silently, unable to tear her eyes away. Nareth turned to face them.

Struggling against the pain of returning life, I pulled my self up to a sitting position, rubbing my limbs. Looking about the room as hawk surveys the fields below it.

"I would start running now, were I you. She is starving.", advised Nareth with a sneer.

"I haven't ever agreed with you more Nareth", replied Rip, pulling Orchid harder, then pushing her in front of him down the stairs. Nareth growled as she watched them leave.

"What has happened.", asked Nareth her voice still enraged and bitter. I stretched my arms feeling the renewed muscle tissue burn with blood."Answer me.", she screamed, shaking with fury.

"This is what you wanted., I spat back.

"You our body draws breath.". This much was evident, I raised a hand to my neck feeling the deep firm pulse. I swallowed realising what had happened.

"The amulet...Yes? Harmonia. The amulet", she laughed, her rage seeming to subside into a wicked mirth. "Oh, what a sweet, sweet twist. What is it I have fashioned? A living vampire?", she laughed again.

The throbbing and confusion starts to subside and my head begins to clear.

"I am hungry Nareth", I sniffed the air again.

"Yes. You are...And what do you want?"

"So thirsty....", I looked down at the meagre fluid in the vial at my neck, but instead Nareth held out her wrist.

"But only a little....", she said smiling. I licked my lips edging forward across the mattress. "Yes..that's it.", she added, beckoning to me. I sat on the edge of the bed and taking Nareth's arm in my hands, then pausing looking up, confused. Nareth watched me, licking her own lips, "Oh, still no frustrating, yes?". I stared up at her mocking smile, a snarl building in my throat. She laughed and a gash opened in her wrist. "There, suckle". I snatched the wrist greedily to my lips, drinking deeply. as Nareth closed her eyes, moaning softly with pleasure. "Yours lips, so warm...". I looked up not lifting my mouth from her wrist, and licked playfully at the wound, causing he to moan louder. "Already, your tongue grows rough and yet,...alive."

"Beq...listen to me...Mistress", her tone more serious now, I kept watching her, as the warm Ecstasy of the feed spread through my body. "When...when you have fed....You must dress, and we must leave this place. They will be back...Police..."

"Leave? home"

"It is now the home of a monster, to those in this city. You must hide, with me, where it is safe."

"safe? where can be safe"

"My haven is safe. It is protected. Lina will watch over us." She assured me and at this I leant back down to the wrist, running my tongue along the flesh one last time, feeling Nareth shudder and hearing her soft growl. "Mistress...I have cannot even comprehend...even now. Do not tempt me."

"Pah, I am done", I replied, smiling, pushing Nareth away as I liked my lips clean. The wound closed. "then I shall dress, help me stand", I paused, "please".

I stand, expecting weakness, dizziness, some remnant of the process I had just emerged from, but instead I found myself renewed, invigorated. Alive.

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